How does a renewal vow wedding or a second wedding suppose to go?
by leony on March 6, 2010
we never had a wedding, just the court house. My husband says since we’re already married we can’t have a wedding. I disagree, because we have the marriage, but never had a wedding or a honeymoon. How should the ceremony go. Can we still get married in catholic church?
Anyone else have feelings about this?
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
I agree 100% with your husband. Your courthouse marriage WAS your wedding!! Its time to get on with your life.
You can still have a wedding its renewing the vows. My hubby and I got married in vegas and everything for something quick and fun. Now almost 2 years later we are going to have our renewing of the vows which to everyone whom did not come to our little wedding (which is the whole family) will get to be apart of it no matter what. You can choose to renew your vows anywhere and can change them how you seem fit. We are writing our own vows and everything and are going to have fun with this wedding and actually have a honeymoon. (didnt have one either even though we were in vegas, plus he had to leave for iraq)
In all just plan your renewing just like you would have your real wedding and remember to have fun.
ps dont listen to the person above me, you dont have to move one with your life, the furture is there for a reason, so make the most of it.
A wedding includes the legal stuff like the marriage license. A vow renewal is more about the ceremony and reaffirming the fact that you would marry this person again. There are no legalities involved with a renewal of vows.
However you chose to do it, it was still your wedding, so your husband is right. The two of you are already married.
There’s a huge difference between a second wedding and a vow renewal. What you are asking about is a vow renewal.
That involves a bit of a ceremony or blessing at a church or somewhere else, then usually the couple has family and close friends maybe to their home for a dinner and a celebration.
Just wear a pretty dress, and have fun celebrating! Often it’s done after the 25th anniversary, but some get a vow renewal after their 10th.
Above all, it’s NOT ‘another wedding’!!!
I agree with the majority. You can’t take wedding vows if you’re already married.
Vow renewals can be very nice, but it’s a mistake to think of them as the “real” wedding. They’re totally different.
Hi Jane:
Properly speaking, a “wedding” is the legal/religious ceremony by means of which you become married. So, what happened at the court house was a court-house *wedding*. You had your wedding then. Even the Catholic church recognises legal weddings — you would still have to have an annulment, for example, before the Catholic church would let you marry anyone else.
BUT…
What many people mean by “wedding” is the big formal party by which they publicly launch themselves into society as a couple. You never had that. In fact, like many modern wives, you may not even realize that such a party is just supposed to be a “big start” to the ongoing responsibilities of entertaining and hosting gatherings. Entertaining, whether on a large fancy scale or on a small intimate scale, is part of the fabric of a healthy society. So, not only *may* you have a “first party”, you *should* host such a party. And then, go on and host more. The Bible tells you “remember to practice hospitality” — it is a virtue. Just, do it well.
Here are some tips:
1) The Catholic Church will hold a consecration of your marriage vows. Talk to your priest. They generally insist that this be done for the sake of piety, rather than for the sake of public display, and so do not have a full mass or encourage the big white meringue bridal gown and a hundred guests. Think more along the lines of a weekday evening in the chapel with your immediate family.
2) A good host keeps the focus on her guests, not herself. Don’t expect or solicit gifts, don’t keep your guests waiting around while you make a “grand entrance”, don’t propose toasts to yourself or arrange to have them made to yourself. Don’t make yourself stand out by dressing outrageously differently from what you expect your guests to wear. All these rules apply to the hosts of any social event — even a first wedding — but people tend to forgive new brides who commit these faux pas, when they would not forgive a mature matron.
3) Keep the ceremony portion VERY understated if you must do it at all. Best of all is to invite your guests to an anniversary party, “at home” party or just a party party, and then at a convenient point make a short speech along the lines of “George and I want to thank you all for coming. As our dearest friends and family, you all know that we got married at the court-house two years ago, and weren’t able to share that important event with you. So this party is to thank you all for supporting us in through our transition from newlyweds to a stable married couple, and we’d like you to know that we’re planning to continue making this marriage work.” Then turn to George and recite your vows to each other, then turn back to the party and say “Thanks for coming everyone! Now we’ll get back to the dancing: feel free to join us on the floor.” And have the band strike up with something along the lines of “May I have this dance for the rest of my life”. Everyone will go “Awwww”, and watch you have three or four measures together, and then join in as they wipe a tear away with sappy smiles on their faces.
And have a nice cake and some good champagne. Or at least tea.
Fizzy Stuff is 100% correct…and so is your husband.
Sorry, but you DID have a “real” wedding….it was at the courthouse. You are just as married as others who had a lavish wedding. The location does not determine who is married and who isn’t. It’s all the same.
You cannot have another wedding. Sorry. And, the Catholic Church? NO. You can, however, have what is called a “blessing of the marriage” in the Catholic Church. It is called a “convalidation ceremony” but it is NOT to be confused with an elaborate affair with bridesmaids/groomsmen, etc. It is a low-key “blessing.” That is it. You may, however, have your family in attendance. Check with your parish priest on what is appropriate.
A renewal of vows should never be “in lieu of” a wedding. A renewal of vows is usually done on a milestone anniversary such as 25 or 50 and does NOT replace the wedding that you had.
the courthouse WAS your wedding so don’t do any thing so official. don’t do it in a church but try renting a place out…don’t go so big with it though. then maybe after that : HONEYMOON!